Beauty and Pain

April 26, 2009 Amy ChildrenGeneralMedical SchoolPatient-nessWeddings

I am in love with the NICU. The tiny, fragile patients with uncertain futures who in their vulernability are beautiful. In their beauty though there is pain, these tiny humans know pain of their larger inpatients but they have few ways to articulate it. There is pain for the ones we can’t save and for the ones we can but whose futures seem less than optimal (rather it be medical, social, etc). But there is such unparaelled joy in the ones we can save, the ones who grow and develop as they should.

This weekend my spinster Aunt got married at 47 to a widower with 4 kids. It was a beauitful ceremony filled with the excitment and joy surrounding any wedding. But there was saddness too, sadness for a mother who died before seeing her children grow up.

I hurt my knee at the wedding. I didn’t do anything but I woke Sunday morning with a hot, swollen knee that felt like I had torn something to bits. Last week I dislocated my elbow… I’m a  bit of a rheumatological mess right now. I’m in love with my work, the babies and peds in general but i am in constant pain. Its been a long winter.  I do believe that the hip’s death spiral is putting undue pressure on everything else.  I have resigned myself to surgery in March of 2010. I am dreading it, the idea of going back to the place I lf behind a decade ago is scary.  but I am grateful for it.  That there is a light at the end of the tunnel! Its a beautiful thing.

and the truth is I want to get on with my life, with doctoring babies and dancing at weddings and loving it.  thats a beautiful reason to be willing to take the risk of surgery.

One Response to “Beauty and Pain”

  • Issadora says:

    The first part of your post sounds like a poem ready to be written …. every person touched.. still makes some difference for humanity….

    Darn the knee… arthritis and all that rheumatology crap! *hugs*


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