motion sickness

I went to sleep in August and I woke up and it was almost February. I had the strangest dreams.,,,,,

I was in Brenner’s and this  old man (Dr. Simon ) who I feared and adored asked me if I wanted a power chair and what page I was on in Smith’s book and asked me everything about pediatrics and made me want to study and read and learn.  then there was this wonderful young person who had an unforunate vasuclar issue and had a stroke who every morning when I visited him would recover a new trick to show me.  He walked down the hall before left….then there were kids with pneumonia,  seziures, rashes, diabetes and cerebral palsy who drifted in and. And I was really happy and for the first time in three years top of my class and loved getting up at 5 in the morning (really i did love it).

Then it was Halloweeen and I accidently asked a boy on a date who I barely knew and my sister had her sr awards night and I nearly cried. Then there were these old people with heart attacks and prostate cancer and heart failure oh my gosh EVERYONE HAS HEART FAILURE…..I threw a wedding shower for the first nerd cave wedding (my college suite)…I even made chicken salad and finger sandwhiches and chocolate covered strawberries and party favors….Then there were old people dying left and right of leukemia, breast cancer, sobbing families and pts doing poorly everyday.  I went home everyday feeling emotionally like I had run a marathon. Then a resident who I really respected told me only to apply to community programs because of my disability and I then I sort of hated her or tried hard not to.

I failed miserably at pheblotomy like to the point that it was humilating. I worked in a nursing home and hugged lots of little old ladies who were 95+ and precious and I wanted them to come home with me.  Then I worke in hospice and sang hymns with a drug accdict and watched a young woman die the same way Laura died and cried. Then I went to see Emily in the MACY THANKSGIVING PARADE and it was amazingly fun. We went to see WICKED and ate Yankee turkey and it was actually tasty I kind of accidently went on a date with a boy who used to be a little in a love with me (who just happens to be orthodox jewish) who was depressed.  Then more old people, then gen med which was a lot of heart failure again and my hip started going nuts for no explained reason. Maybe it doesn’t like heart failure.  Got stalked at the holiday ball by the halloween boy and some exchange student from Austria who all the other girls were ga ga over….

Then I went home and literaly watched every movie Matthew McConhauy has been in the last five year with the sisters and ate too much and knitted a scarf and read some books and won some video games and pretended I was 15 again and couldn’t do laundry.  Had the quietest, most peaceful Christmas in years, lots of homemade gifts, quiet bible reading and cheesiness.  Watched Mamama MIa and got a message from the Halloween boy in the middle of it…THEN i had to grow up and put on a big brown dress and let a high school jr at the Mall do my makeup and nails and Em did my hair and then I hated it, then I made her do it again.  Then I helped Karen put on a white dress and marry a boy.  Then I danced with her and LK and BE and LK had a fever and hip flask.  Did I mention it was all a bit like a dream? then there was a three more Christmases with family and more doing nothing.

Then there was heart failure and a new upper level who almost almost made me like adults. And this 20 yo with CF who made me almost like med peds and then a 30 hr call with my first code and watching someone die in front of me with a K of 9.8 and then another code in the same hour. Then my hip just died. And every rounds was something like forever because I couldn’t sit still and then a new upper level who insisted on walk ronds which meant it took longer than forever and I came every day and crashed becuase I hurt so bad. It was time to wake up. Studying for my shelf,  losing a 1500 dollar check temporairly. Taking the shelf, doing fine. realizing that I had learned a lot somewhere in the mist of the hip pain, the heart failure and yankee turkey. Then I was in a car going to Chapel Hill and drinking mixed drinks with BE and LK and talking late, then fall asleep and then I woke up brunch with LK then back to winston. I fell asleep on the sofa.

then I woke up and it was nearly Feburary and my roomate is engaged the other is dating a 30 yr old, the Halloween boy keeps e-mailing me one week and then doesn’t and Dr. Simon sat me down last week and told me that I was top of my peds class and he wanted me to apply to Hopkins.

and suddenly I feel the need to hold on to the rail and keep my hands and arms close and just breathe becuse life is moving too fast.