faithfulness

Its her birthday She is five today.She gets everything she asked for and more and then has the audacity to say I want A totally, terrific, turbo next best thing before the day is out.

I am that kid just bigger and even more whiny Because not only do I always seem to want the totally terrific turbo next best thing I seem to lack the basic trust in God and in myself that thing is even possible.  I look back at my journals in college and I look at all my dreams and hopes for grad school and I marvel at the provision and blessings that have come my way. I am in medical school, a medical school I chose. I am going to come out with less than 50,000 dollars in debt (insanely good !). I have international health experiences and I have two more in the works. I got through my surgery rotation and the boards.  They let me suture, deliver babies, sit on a stool in the OR and treated me fairly. I have cried with patients, I held them, I visited them and I helped them get better. I’ve made mistakes and I have learned from them and I have made some sweet calls that remind me maybe I am not the dumbest med student EVER. I have great friends both old and new who love me and support me and tell me I don’t fail at life. I have a family who loves me unconditionally and lets me know it. As always, I have health care, food, clothes, a nice, climate controlled flat, massive access to information and of course enough books to fill a small library.

I have everything yet I am not satisfied with my life.  I have more than 95% of the world. Its so easy for me to complain, to whine, to look around and see things that others have that I don’t.

Its so easy for me to doubt the faithfulness and provision. So easy for me to be discontent.