faithfulness

Its her birthday She is five today.She gets everything she asked for and more and then has the audacity to say I want A totally, terrific, turbo next best thing before the day is out.

I am that kid just bigger and even more whiny Because not only do I always seem to want the totally terrific turbo next best thing I seem to lack the basic trust in God and in myself that thing is even possible.  I look back at my journals in college and I look at all my dreams and hopes for grad school and I marvel at the provision and blessings that have come my way. I am in medical school, a medical school I chose. I am going to come out with less than 50,000 dollars in debt (insanely good !). I have international health experiences and I have two more in the works. I got through my surgery rotation and the boards.  They let me suture, deliver babies, sit on a stool in the OR and treated me fairly. I have cried with patients, I held them, I visited them and I helped them get better. I’ve made mistakes and I have learned from them and I have made some sweet calls that remind me maybe I am not the dumbest med student EVER. I have great friends both old and new who love me and support me and tell me I don’t fail at life. I have a family who loves me unconditionally and lets me know it. As always, I have health care, food, clothes, a nice, climate controlled flat, massive access to information and of course enough books to fill a small library.

I have everything yet I am not satisfied with my life.  I have more than 95% of the world. Its so easy for me to complain, to whine, to look around and see things that others have that I don’t.

Its so easy for me to doubt the faithfulness and provision. So easy for me to be discontent.

password

the previous post is password protected to HIPPA and adult content (not like X-rated just really tragic).

password is my first and last name all lowercase.

Protected: Loss