I want the shiny one

I got an e-mail today. A prayer request from a friend of friend who is adopting a baby from Ukraine. The parents lost their biological twins several years ago. How heartbreaking.

The e-mail said, “Yesterday was the worse day of our lives. We met with Ukrainian officials and they showed us child after child with disabilities. They became steadily more condescending as we said NO to each one. We are very discouraged.”

Warning the following is condescending, judgmental and probably not Christian…

Worse day of their lives (worse than losing your children)… In case you missed it, the kids you rejected because they aren’t perfect have a life far worse than yours. That’s why they look so horrible and imperfect. Did you notice child beggars on the streets of Kiev or the elderly beggars with their canes? Do you know how cold it is right now, those people live on the streets?!?! Open your eyes people. I get that Eastern Europe is a little shocking but lets not lose our heads here. Your statement makes me nearly side with Ukrainian officials…stupid, navie Americans.

Now my nutty bias….I get that its a challenge to be a parent to a disabled child. I get that I have been raised and brainwashed with the ideal that mercy and compassion for one’s fellow man over one’s own scruples and needs is given. I get that I am disabled and biased toward my people to the core and I get that I am blessed to grow up with a point of view free of able-ism. But come on people, just confess. You have been raised thinking my people aren’t worth as much as yours and I am calling you out on it. In all your talk about being good Christians or even good Americans or being so wonderful adopting a international baby, confess your imperfection. Confess your bias. That’s all I am asking. I have confessed mine. Don’t blame the Ukrainians for making you feel uncomfortable, don’t ask me to pray that God puts you back in your comfort zone or bring you a perfect baby. Heaven help you but there is no such thing as a perfect child, if you have that expectations you will never be happy.

I try to understand it. But it breaks my heart that people can look at kids with disabilities and not even consider them for adoption. I’ve seen it time and time again in Eastern Europe. If I was an orphan I would have never been adopted even in the states. There is no mercy or compassion for my people just a lot of pointed fingers. In the West we point fingers at the East for not taking care of disabled people but when we go there we don’t take care of them either. And we don’t have a lack of resources, only a lack of compassion and an excess of able-ism.

Confession:

I’m sorry I know this a prayer request. I know that in accusing these people who I don’t even know of lacking mercy that I am lacking mercy for their situation. I also know I am being a bit irrational and melodramatic and taking out an old wound on a couple who I’ve never met. SO let me ask forgiveness. I know that these people must have suffered terribly losing twins. And I am so glad they want to adopt from Ukraine and are there doing it. And I know that there are average children stuck in an orphanage and they need a family just as much as the disabled ones. I just wish you could see them equally worthy of your attention. I’m sorry if I come on a bit strong, I just no longer relate to the Americans in this situation. I only see the endless suffering and abuse of the children. I know how judgmental I sound. Forgive me. I will honor your request with a prayer…

God, Forgive me of my quickness to judge and my pride and thank you for the endless blessings.

strengthen this couple and give them wisdom. Help them to trust you as they make this beautiful, loving decision.

But…

God please, don’t let them shut out the suffering all around them. Open their eyes, soften their hearts and let them be kind, loving and compassionate to all of God’s children (from the kids to the officials).

Somewhere deep under the judgment and the arrogance I believe I am turning over a money changing table or two with justified righteous anger. Help me God to know the difference.

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen

I promise to talk about America and my life at some point in my blog soon…